Remembering Mum Part III

I had been trying to overcome my ex-fear of deep waters learning to swim in Mandarin Gardens which ultimately became my matrimonal home. Mum decided she wanted to learn to swim too and joined me soon afterwards. I still remembered she wore the pacific blue bikini that my ex cell group friend chock ching bought for me while she worked in Hawaii. It was too big, surely chock had grossly over estimated my boobs and bum but they were a perfect fit for my mum, who at that time seemed fit and into much adventure like Qi Gong exercises and social dance.

Soon, the opportunity came when UOB bank was to dispose of property holdings under UOL and while the property market was boring and super quiet due to the aftermath of SARS crisis, I viewed the Knight Frank showflat with mum dripping wet after our swim lesson and soon bought a seaview 829 sq ft unit. 3 months later i married yan, my long time male buddy turned boyfriend who was at that time working in Far East a huge property firm armed with a Masters in Architecture.

I had longed for an European wedding. May be it was due to my 1995 europe tour which included museums and cathedrals aplenty. I wanted to marry in CHIJMES, complete with a wedding quartet. Unfortunately, my ex church FCBC was against it, marrying in a "now commercial building with no active church services" (recently they loosen up the rules to include marrying couples in the Singapore Flyer). My parents, particularly my mum who was in charge of everything at home objected to a church wedding. She swore she would never set foot in a church so i thought that CHIJMES would do good since it was a commercial entity but the church was not for it. In the end, to please everyone and to have PEACE, Yan and I did the ROM on 15 Nov 2003 followed by a family dinner so we could use our CPF to finance the Mandarin Garden studio purchase. A customary wedding with tea reception and private family dinner was held on 13 Mar 2004, an auspicious date that clashed with a leader's meeting so both our Pre marital counsellors and pastors did not attend the wedding reception.

Now I can only dream of playing in the Quartet should Rachel marry in a church next time.

I conceived soon after the customary wedding and was almost 6 months pregnant when i suffered much bleeding due to the banking sales job that included much standing. Stress mounted and I felt pressured to leave to "save my precious unborn that i had been praying and talking to daily". As i left too early due to enormous stress, I was not eligible for the 3 months maternity benefits.

Shortly, I got a call from mum. She was very shaken and she told me her polyclinic doctor told her she had colorectal cancer. She was afraid. I was shocked too! Speechless! I remembered having casual thoughts that my mum had cancer a few weeks back and i brushed it all off as negative silly thoughts. God it was real. I assured her she will be alright and we will combine financial resources to get the best doctors to help her.

In nov 04, almost a year after i was married, my mum underwent major surgery at TTSH. She had a portion of her colon 6 inches removed. Since the cancer was in stage 3 and had affected her bladder, part of it was removed too. As a precautionary measure, they removed her womb and ovaries as well since she was done with child birth. I am angry even as i remembered this. Shortly after the operation while she was still in a daze, a young trainee doctor came and broke the news to her before discussing with us and in hokkien, her dialect, he said words that crushed our spirits and mum's. "Auntie, no good, all spread already, spoil already" If i am not a christian i would had punched him in the face and of all people he reminded me of that cold blooded houseman that i once fell for.

We recovered quickly from our shock and grief and my ever resourceful brother Ron then arranged for a second opinion with Dr Teo at Gleneagles. What a deep contrast. The private hospital doctor was warm and friendly and encouraged my mum through the many treatments in the next 3.5years.

Throughout her many treatments, chemotherapy, radio therapy, either orally or intraveously, mum kept a positive outlook and fought well. She did not shy away from her social dance classes or Qi Gong exercises and travelled much to Malaysia, Indonesia, Japan and Taiwan. She did not let others know that she was sick and instructed us to let others know she was busy with the many grand children. She lived life to the fullest as long as she could and prepared good meals for us, especially Cheryl, her firstborn grandchild, whom she helped to care for almost daily.

Unfortunately, despite much prayer and fasting and countless costly treatments, my mum died on 03 March 2008. She was one month short of her 61st birthday. She died shortly after an accidental fall. Towards the end of her life her body was all frail and skinny, much of her hair was gone so was the energy, the strength for daily activities. Looking at her on her death bed, its difficult to accept she was the one plump active mum that swam alongside me just a few years ago. Life is so unpredictable and unfair.