Full Circle-Art and Music

For some reasons I was not able to sleep well last night. Reason No 1, rachel was grinding her baby teeth loud and often and I am a light sleeper. Reason No 2, Yan might be swimming in his dreams, he actually propel his feet and move his arms as if he was doing his crawl and the bed shook a little. Earthquake? Nah...its called sleep exercises. No wonder he stays in shape well.

As I stayed awake for the next 1 -2 hours listening to my favourite ipod music, Hilary Hahn playing the Bach concertos, it suddenly dawned on me that I had come full circle where art, music and religion is concerned.

Well, I am the type of kid that was drawn to God in art, music and nature. Even watching the thunderstorm clouds build up and then dissipate as heavy rain fascinate me to this day. That explains why I love staying in my Mandarin Gardens sea view apartment. I like to be close to nature but not so close as to grow trees within the house as a couple did (featured in the papers on Sunday 25 May 2008).

The plants and trees will attract lots of insects and bacteria and as these trees in the house grow they could potentially uproot the house one day. Even minor damages like floor cracking or timber strips getting misaligned will cause tempers to flare and repair costs to escalate. And what about plants withering in the house, not exactly a nice picture to welcome friends and guests unless they are frogs, monkeys, squirrels and snakes.

Anyway, as a child my interests are foremost art and music. I remembered getting a top prize for colouring a alligator in PAP kindergarten and also performing on the K2 graduation concert singing both a chinese and english song. The chinese song was "Xiao Xiao Yang Er Yao Hui Jia" (the little lambs are coming home) along with a sweet rendition of "My bonnie" (often mispronounced as "my body lies over the ocean".....CHOY though i want a sea burial at the end of life's journey.)

Art and music draws me to God, the creator of heaven and earth that both artist and musician glorify in their craft. When I was in Europe, I immersed myself in art museums, especially paintings that depict Christ and angels. Even sacred music like Bach elevates my spirit heavenward, though not all modern rock praise and worship albums can do the same. Some are in my opinion very commercialised, poorly written and just too noisy.

The more I worship God through music, the more I felt the strong heartcry and leaning towards music. I sort of knew I was called to music and had a growing passion for it. But when i do allow myself to share with others, my deepest yearnings, many including my mum, ex-pastors and some friends thought I was nuts. Afterall, I was sacrificing academic and career excellence for the unchartered territority of music in general. "You are too old to learn music.". "Be realistic. Be practical" "you CANNOT make a living doing music" echoes the many so called good advisers.

Coincidently I am now reading Schmann by Eric Frederick Jensen, well in one chapter on the composer's university education, Schmann was described as having a strong dilemma over choosing literature or music as a career. He was good in both and had passion in both. He lingered much undecided while he studied law, which i agree with him was very boring and cold, (i did business and commerical law, yawn....) and practiced much piano and wrote poems and prose. Trouble was his mum and brothers need him to stick to law and help the family financially one day. (sounds all so familiar). In the end, after a series of meetings with some musicians, he decided to choose what was a more elevated path to him, music, much to his mum and brothers disappointment. One brother was so upset he banned all forms of musical instruments in his house, talk about extremist. Ha

When his boyhood piano teacher Johann Gottfried Kuntsch heard from his mum Christiane Schmann on his new career choice, (which included dropping out of law school), he wrote the these words to express support:

When I think of your splendid talent, your ardent love of music which displayed itelf so strongly from your earliest days, your lively imagination, as well as the earnestness, zeal, and tenancity with which you tirelessly pursue your goal...there can be no doubt that with such a splendid union of qualities only the finest results can be expected. In you, the world will number a great artist, and in this Art - to which you dedicate your life---will certainly bring you fame, honour and immortality. This ,honoured friend, is my firm conviction. (Letter of 9 December 1830 in Wolfgang Boetticher)

Wow..I was blown away by the teachers words of encouragement. If I was Schmann himself, I will devote myself to music and not let this dear friend teacher down. I will make him so proud.

Anyway, about my musical longings, well the more I fight it, the more it will come to nag at me, gently then stronger each time the issue was revisited. Its something that I accept that God, my creator had put in my heart in the first place. Like Schmann I deliberated much, though not so much because I was risk adverse but more because I do not want to let my parents down.

I did auditing, insurance sales, banking sales but really though I did well in sales, I was often distracted and disliked much the office environment. Each time I was in between jobs, I would attend this music class or that and secretly wish that the job offer will come later so I can relax and learn music.As a busy executive, with all the projects and deadlines, I had hardly time for proper meals, dates or even the much needed beauty sleep.

"Lead me to learn music, Lord. Give me your support" I remembered praying once while I was still single and suddenly God blessed me with Yan, a worship team buddy turned boyfriend. We married a year later and this master of architecture property executive soon became a professional music educator with a passion to cultivate the joy of music in his students.

Full time motherhood has its perks. Along with Rachel turning 2, I found my instrument, the violin, my voice and friend and started serious lessons within the estate. Even as I start my music journey, I am already rewarded along the way with peace and satisfaction.

In the first half of my life, art and music led me to God and now my Shepherd Lord is leading me, ever-blessing me with a fruitful life journey in music and art.

I've come full circle. Thanks be to God.