Babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ONE IS ENOUGH
Yan told me today someone we know is into her 4th pregnancy!!!! Frankly, we are HORRIFIED!!!! WHY WOULD PEOPLE LIKE TO GIVE BIRTH SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!! For us one is ENOUGH!!!! In fact when someone asked us on that silly auspicious 07072007 in a church wedding when we will be having No 2, we both exclaimed "No way!!!! One is MORE THAN ENOUGH!!!!"

During our pre-marital counselling the magic number was 4, well i was thinking my mum had 4 kids and yelled and spanked all of us whenever we fought and anyway my dad managed to raise all of us through university with his food stall income. He even supported his previous wife and kids, alimony. ( I was taken along to subordinate courts when i was a kid and witnessed him sighing (not just signing) away pieces of yellow receipts at the counter that was at my eye level). Similarly he sent piles of goods (TV, BIKE) and money to his siblings in China when China was not yet an open economy. Now that China is one of the world's biggest and strongest economy, sadly, the favours were not reciprocated. May be that's why I never like CHINA. I felt robbed of more material possessions when we were kids. Imagine if there was no need to sponsor these China relatives, I would be able to learn music. It's the last place on earth that i would want to visit and like wise I was not keen to purchase cheap china made goods including violins.

Motherhood is so very tough!!!!
So you think pregnancy was tough??? boy!!! What is the few kgs that you carry within you??? After the kid is 2, almost 10-20kg later, the carrying continues!! Thankfully Rachel now walks on her own including up and down stairs and buses BUT she still naps on my shoulder when we are out shopping in the afternoon.BTW, she refused to sleep in the stroller!!! I looked like the hunch back of Notre Dame now, standing straight posture wise HURTS!!! After massages I will be ok but I think until she stop nursing and needing me not daddy to carry her, the backaches will persist. Its the upper back, the spine, or may be its due to BIGGER BREASTS, as I often heard similar complains from those that are really well endowned. I definitely prefer small breasts, like that of a ballerina. That's elegant.

Well, after the baby was born, all the pregnancy complaints seemed NOTHING!!! What is migraine, back ache, Odema (water retention) stretch marks (thank God i hardly have those), nausea???? They were being replaced with caesarean pain, breast engorgement pain, and more sleepless nights. I never thought i will have a caesarean birth let alone an emergency one. Through out the pregnancy Rachel was growing well save for one episode of bleeding as I was standing long hours working in the bank. Her position was right too, head down when I was 39 weeks. My blood pressure everything was normal the only thing was she was past her expected due date 01012005. Each day from Christmas 2004, I waited and waited, counting the endless baby movements and charting them. I still shopped a lot as a good enjoyable form of exercise and walked along the beach praying for the unborn child, at the same time I also worried that the water bag would burst and I might look most undignified in a shopping mall surrounded by curious by standers. Imagine giving birth shopping!!! GASP!!! or in a cab!! GASP!!

Well, it happened to my banking colleague a few months earlier when she was 8.5 months pregnant, on her way to antenatal check up, in a HDB carpark, she felt someone pour warm water from behind between her legs. Her husband thought she passed urine and asked why can't she wait, she was trembling!! However, this boy did not come out until almost 2 days later in the hospital.

Well Christmas came and went, then the great Tsunami 2004 on Boxing day and I pleaded with God "Pls do not let Rachel be born on this sad and horrible day." Then on her due date I saw Evelyn Tan, Mediacorp artiste, ex church member, with her new born on TV. She had married exactly 2 weeks after us.


Giving Birth the Traumatic Way
My gynae was eager to induce the overdued Rachel due to tight travel arrangements, so on midnight 03012005 we went into Raffles Hospital with much excitement and fear. In the delivery suite, we were watching on CNA, the death toll of the Tsunami. We are not supersitious, but every channel, there were headlines, bottomlines that update one on the latest death toll. Apart from that, and praying much, I was very bored waiting for the moment of birth until the nurse prepared my left hand for the drip, OUCH..that's so painful.."Pls don't let me suffer pain Lord...give me the shortest. most pain free birth pls!" I was also worried that there would be too much blood. One friend told me when his wife gave birth the smell of fresh blood lingered in the delivery room.

Up to this point I do not yet experience any contractions. All 4 previous check ups showed that while my baby's head was engaged, my cervix was still shut tight. There was no sign that birth was near even though we were past the due date. After one sleepless night, I had mini contractions, actually it felt more like the baby was moving and there was not enough space for her to twist and turn. All this while Yan slept on the couch. He is one relax guy!!

The next morning, when the gynae saw the charts, he suggested breaking the waters to speed up the contractions. When he took the long almost half metre long needle, I almost fainted. Any way there was no pain when he insert the needle to prick the water bag. In fact within split-seconds very warm fluid flowed out and the baby writhe inside simultaneously. My body was trembling much. At the same time the baby heart monitor was beeping disturbingly loud distress signals.. Before I know what was happening, I heard the gynae yelled "C section NOW!!!" He later explained after the baby was born that there was cord prolapse, or in lay man's terms the cord was around the baby's neck, strangling her causing the baby to be in distress!

I was shoved a piece of paper to sign, i caught.."hospital not liable for...." BOY that was the most stressful moment in my life, I signed something I had to and there was no time to read the conditions. This being my first hospital stay in my life made me extra fearful. I was sped down shivering away from my husband and the lights moving so fast above my head and the loud commotion made me giddy. Within minutes I had an oxygen mask on and was asked to count to 3. I remembered shivering in the cold spacious theatre (this is not the theatre I am familiar with) it was so spacious with green curtains and metal tables every where. I saw my gynae dressed in surgical gear and I past out after 2 counts! The first time I lost consciousness!

After the Operation
I was drifting in and out of consciousness and I felt someone slapped my cheek gently trying to wake me. I tried to open my eyes! I can't. It was almost another 90min later when I opened my eyes, actually I had lens on still to see the birth, I saw Yan and a friend. I noticed my tummy was visibly much smaller and yuck, I had a urine bag with bloody urine and a drip with morphine i think that made me feel rather high and super happy. In fact according to Yan I was smiling. I saw much later that on picture I looked like I had been ran over by a truck. My lower abodmen was NUMB. I did not see my baby until after lunch time.

First Impressions
My first impression of Rachel was she is very beautiful, not crumpy alien like which some new borns are. She even smiled at us. As I was on drugs I did not breast feed her until 3 days later. Her cries were gentle but that quickly changed when she was home!! The hospital menu was A class. We were so well fed. BTW, when yan saw the baby, she was cleaned and wrapped in a white towel, nothing bloody or gooey about our princess!! The maternity ward nurses were friendly and helpful and when rachel was subsequently admitted for bronchities and rota virus, they remembered us and doted on our kid.

Going Home and Hell after that
Bringing your bundle of joy home should be most joyous an event. However, ours was marred by my MIL. We had repeatedly asked her not to visit from Malaysia until the baby was older, well she insisted eager to meet her first grandkid. We met at the hospital entrance and took the cab back.The trip was pleasant. Then to our horror, in front of our white door, in her usual loud voice, she exclaimed to the baby in my arms "You are so UGLY". I was so taken aback, I could almost slap her if not for my relationship with Abba God and the painful c scar. Yan questioned her "Ma, How can you say that!!!" twice sounding hurt as well. Just a moment ago an Ang Mo had cooed the baby and commented on her beauty in the elevator. Later we learnt that she meant good and the opposite but frankly we both hoped she had been wiser with her words.

Confinement Indeed
My gynae was against the "unhygienic" traditional month long confinement where the new mums refrained from bathing, even touching water or shampooing their hair. Personally, the idea was too stinky for us to accept too. When I was in university, an ex church mate I visited during her first week confinement had tiny flies buzzing about her super oily locks and boy, she was such a stinker that her hubby slept on the sofa in the living room. I was prepared to care for my precious new born alone peacefully despite the post surgery pain while yan resume his work otherwise there would be no income. Of course I still washed my long locks daily and bathe twice daily much to the chagrin of the traditional elderly. I was breast-feeding, I must be clean. What was she thinking???

However, sadly, MIL with her uncalled for nagging and nagging and insisting on this and that, robbed me of much peace. She also had a sarcastic way of scorning my breast feeding attempts, I mean each time the baby cried she has some thing negative to say about the kid or me. I would hide in my room all day reading the papers, bible and sleeping while she blast the Mandarin TV programmes in the living room. Needless to say, her stay, meant to be 3 days initally was not at all welcomed. She added much stress. I cannot understand why she would insist I bend down or reach up the cupboards risking tearing my newly stitched scar to fetch her this pot or that ingredient in the fridge which she can't reach due to her parkinson illness, so she may prepare herbal supplement which both yan and I do not like and would pour away evenutally. We already told her countless times that we hate herbal stuff!! "She never listens", my husband would sigh.

The last straw came when I asked her when she would return as Yan need to get her the return rail tickets. She took offense and said I was chasing her outof the house. Later she called a friend or relation at the balcony and dramatised everything. I heard her say her daughter in law threatened to chase her out with a broom. Now there was not a single broom in my new home. And the way she dramatise it it made me looked like very evil indeed. I called Yan and my sister both understood my situation and came to my rescue.

Thank God Jesus knew the facts and my conscience is clear. My eyes were opened too. It became clear to me that I should NEVER stay in the same house as MIL, clearly, it was easy for her to distort the facts. I saw she was someone who compromises on integrity especially when she became a very different person when Yan is around. Add to that the loud, continous nagging and nagging that robs us of PEACE!!! We are both peace loving creatures and Yan had to remind his mum often not to treat him like a child often.

Eventually she left for her home. We had peace again, much beloved, much cherished Peace until she visits every now and then.

Conclusion
I felt I had done my national duty of pro creation.
Having our princess was very costly indeed. More than 10K in the first year!
Its ok that she is the only child she have so many cousins born in the same year and one on the way soon. If she is lonely with no one to play( read fight) with, let her then play with us, on the piano or violin.I rather channel whatever remaining energy and time I have left developing musically. In fact next week I will start my violin lessons inspired by David Garrett lovingly encouraged by my music teacher spouse. Afterall, who would want a repeat of the traumatic birth or so called confinement period.