Reflection

It's the time of the year again. Christmas came and went with no party this year and the wonderful post christmas sale is on.

I remembered a time not too long ago when i would clear my wardrobe of ex-fashion items to the Salvation army so as to make space for new purchases. I loved to wear "in" items be it the mini skirts, ( i love mini skirts that showed off my rather slim athletic legs) espadrilles and lots of tube tops. I had so much stuff that i had wished for bigger wardrobes during past Christmases. Now my current wardrobe is not yet filled but i love to splurge on Rachel. It does not matter that i have nothing to wear or match with, I want to make sure that she is well provided for physically, emotionally and materially from clothes, shoes toys to educational material.

I remembered when i was in my late teens and early twenties, I enjoyed colouring my hair brown with highlights and i stood out among the crowd. Some even assumed i was a "bad" girl as i was dressed very fashionably with accessories like bangles and earrings even. Now i am back to my asian ebony black hair that had not been coloured or permed or rebonded for 5 years i think.

In the past, christmas meant more than Jesus. It also meant a time to be remembered as the most generous giver. Ha. I mean i made sure i give the best gifts that i can afford to reward worthy business clients and friends. Talking about friends, I was the natural leader of the small pack of girls that hungered and thirst after my directions and companionship.

I was easily the most charismatic, confident gal, and yes, i excelled academically, had a good sexy hour glass figure with slim legs and a super generous heart and some say sexy almond eyes. I was always treating "friends" to expensive lunches, coffees and even buffet dinners. I took pains to "surprise" them with birthday gifts and parties even. No wonder i had a lot of "loyal" friends. Looking back, most of them were fair weather friends and when calamity strikes, like when i was heart broken and subsequenly when i was financially broke, these friendships EVAPORATED into the thin air. Sigh................................


Fast forward 5 years......Now I married and became a full time mother. With no income, its no surprise then that I had only a few friends. Family members takes priority and for the first time i actually see my family members as friends too. Wonderful friends. I married my best male buddy and Rachel too, she's such a joy to be with, i love her companionship.

In the past when i noticed young people, both male and female checking me out, I am comforted to acknowledge that I am a good looker and quite desirable as well. That adds to my super ego confidence!! But now, if i see anyone looking at me, I assumed it was because i am now carrying some excess baggage, looking tired and worn out with Rachel and had no make up or proper clothes or shoes or bags on. As a result i prefer to avoid eye contact and i DO NOT talk to strangers any more. I became a different person, a back ground person so to speak. I no longer want the lime light or any attention.

When i go shopping i prayed i will not run into anyone I used to know. Its kind of sad, the person they used to see had degenerate much, from hottie to auntie. Life moves at a much slower pace now that Rachel is part of the family and the days and nights are much longer with endless tasks and chores. Apart of learning the violin, and working a frenzy to keep the house clean and to re gain my figure and complexion, I do not have any major project except to ensure that Rachel is well brought up, academically and muscially. Of course, needless to say spiritually and relationally which is the foundation of life itself.