I lost rachel again!!! This time she bolted out of the ladies at basement 1 ngee ann city and i spent almost 45 minutes scanning the shopping centre for her. I even made an announcement so that the security can help to locate her.
She was wearing a green UPCHUCK tee that my sister gave her for her christmas along with Ben 10 shoes also my sister's gift for her birthday. When i managed to find her she was neither scared nor crying. She had been lost several times but so far she had never teared nor look afraid. As a kid she was that confident that the parents or the poor mum will eventually find her.
I slapped her when i saw her. I had to. For making me so frantically search the shopping complex for so long looking out for her after I already told her a zillion times not to run from me. She started to run from me and play hide and seek because the daddy taught her a couple of times while having fun.
But its no fun when i get so exasperated and worried sick about her. As the almost sole care-giver I ended up the one that had to clean the mess and undo the "wrong" teachings. For example she broke lose from me and ran towards the bus stop just to hide behind the advertisement, something that the father had played with her several times. I was worried about the cars and also had to deal with the plentiful "disapproving" looks of the elderly at the bus stop.
Another thing is i just cant run with a heavy bag, lousy unstable flip flops and knee pain. I feel i look like an idiot who deserved to lose her kid. Rachel wimpered a short while after she and I calmed down i asked her if she knew she was lost. What? came the innocent reply. "Mummy was searching everywhere for you, why you run away from me? I reprimanded her as sternly as i can since I am not the strict type. At that, she giggled, just as she did and was about to bolt from a super tired me once she saw me.
God help. I really need help. I am to the max with chores and home schooling and had not a moment for myself. Each waking moment is about her and each night ends with her. In fact we went to Orchard because she wanted to have Tori Q lunch, visit kino and Art Friend and that better toy store. i don't have a life any more, I never had one i think. Its always about caring for sick grand parents (deceased), helping mum with the chores and helping mum feel better in her last few years.
Tomorrow is my 36th birthday but frankly i do not feel like celebrating. Its a fact, since rachel was born I had not had a good day. I had been juggling her and my mum's welfare to the point of emotional burnout. Financially, life was super tough. We sold our matrimonial home and pulled rachel out of childcare. I ran the household with hardly a budget for myself.
I can't remember when I last:
-had a facial. (free Haach in end 2007)
-had mani pedi cure (2007)
-had a holiday ( with yan 2002, all the malaysia visit mil excluded)
-ran or work out (prob july 2008 before I moved to gymless neptune court)
-had a date ( mid 2008 concert with yan)
-had cell meeting (before may 2006 NCC)
-bought clothes shoes for myself (Jan 2007 birthday)
-practiced my violin (last friday after bought new rosin)
-had a lot of money ( before Asian financial crisis 1998)
Hopefully all will change for the better as i believe God for financial abundance.
Monday, 19 January 2009
Friday, 16 January 2009
Ten years on
I'm going to be 36 in 4 days time! *GASP*
This morning I woke reminded that I had developed feelings for a fellow vocalist in church after several God directed dreams, visions, and yes even "prophecies" from church leadership and cell members and people in the worship team. I was 26 then, with short hair and a lot of exuberance being in good insurance sales. I was not really ready to be a wife and a mum but would like to settle down by 30, that would be year 2003.
Fast forward ten years, I am no longer upset about this "divine" arrangement, I am now married to a good buddy in the same worship team and we have a beautiful 4 year old.
But the 10 years was really dramatic:
1999-received "revelation" about my marriage partner to be, he was a houseman at NUH
2000-struggled much but came to LOVE him and want him
2001- the waiting continues per God's instruction since he was in army
2002-the heartbrokeness and depression that follows that email rejection
2003- married Yan a close male buddy I started to date 10 months later
2004- pregnant with Rachel, left DBS prematurely, mum diagnosed with end stage colon cancer
2005-Rachel born, mum start chemotheraphy treatments. became rachel's main care-giver.
2006-Sold matrimonial home to pay debts, medical bills, attended New Creation Church
2007-started to home school rachel since 3 hospitalisations, illnesses in child care (10 mths.)
2008-mum died 03 March 2008 moved to neptune court
2009-Thanking God for a wonderful year filled with salvations and profuse blessings. Isaiah 61
So far, Yan got a new job and my dad had returned to work after 5 months of leg injury.
I had received supernatural healing for rotar cuff tendonitis sustained some 2 years ago due primarily to gym injury. Not forgetting many small favours like free modem replacement and other art materials for home schooling rachel. Its not even the whole month of January yet!!!!
I believe that as the year progresses on, this year will be the best ever.
This morning I woke reminded that I had developed feelings for a fellow vocalist in church after several God directed dreams, visions, and yes even "prophecies" from church leadership and cell members and people in the worship team. I was 26 then, with short hair and a lot of exuberance being in good insurance sales. I was not really ready to be a wife and a mum but would like to settle down by 30, that would be year 2003.
Fast forward ten years, I am no longer upset about this "divine" arrangement, I am now married to a good buddy in the same worship team and we have a beautiful 4 year old.
But the 10 years was really dramatic:
1999-received "revelation" about my marriage partner to be, he was a houseman at NUH
2000-struggled much but came to LOVE him and want him
2001- the waiting continues per God's instruction since he was in army
2002-the heartbrokeness and depression that follows that email rejection
2003- married Yan a close male buddy I started to date 10 months later
2004- pregnant with Rachel, left DBS prematurely, mum diagnosed with end stage colon cancer
2005-Rachel born, mum start chemotheraphy treatments. became rachel's main care-giver.
2006-Sold matrimonial home to pay debts, medical bills, attended New Creation Church
2007-started to home school rachel since 3 hospitalisations, illnesses in child care (10 mths.)
2008-mum died 03 March 2008 moved to neptune court
2009-Thanking God for a wonderful year filled with salvations and profuse blessings. Isaiah 61
So far, Yan got a new job and my dad had returned to work after 5 months of leg injury.
I had received supernatural healing for rotar cuff tendonitis sustained some 2 years ago due primarily to gym injury. Not forgetting many small favours like free modem replacement and other art materials for home schooling rachel. Its not even the whole month of January yet!!!!
I believe that as the year progresses on, this year will be the best ever.
Monday, 12 January 2009
Holy Communion healing testimony
I'm elated. In fact I am over the moon. This morning I woke up for the first time in 2 years without the familiar shoulder pain and stiffness that some doctors said was "rheumatism" or "arthritis".
In a bid to regain my former sexy hour glass figure, as a new mom, I had somehow suffered a gym injury. I remembered the sharp pain and the "pop" sound when lifting some weights. "It will go away" I thought at that time in 2006 we do not have any budget for medical purposes. Life was just tough managing the mortgage payments. The pain did subside a little but in one home exercise of stomach crunches over the gym ball, my toddler pushed the ball when I had my eyes closed. She was supposed to be sleeping. I aggravated the injury. OUCH. It hurt much but still it was nothing compared to the emergency caesarean i had in early 2005.
Some time mid 2007, I decided to pursue music since it was my childhood and life goal. I wanted to play the violin well. However, since I started some serious bowing especially the G and D strings, my bow arm would ached much, then came the searing pain that made me almost involuntarily feel like dropping the bow. The pain came back stronger than ever.
I went to see a doctor who recommended physio therapy sessions. In fact the physiotherapist was shocked that I had "tahan" the rotar cuff tendonitis for so long. In fact, by not seeking medical treatment early and by "avoiding" use of the right shoulder whenever possible, I had a "frozen shoulder" as a consequence. It was far from cold. In fact it was searing hot inside and it felt like someone was cutting the tendons that were inflammed with a sharp knife. It was extra painful when it was about to rain when the humidity was high or when the temperatures were low. Despite the many physiotherapy sessions that included electric current treatments and ultra sound, the pain would come and go. Sometimes it was a very dull ache that stung, other times it was very sharp and sudden and the arm would involuntarily let go of usually the small objects like toothbrush and crayons.
I was advised to stop carrying my toddler about 13kg and also to stop the bowing (music lessons). I can't. Without a maid or an extra pair of hands as a full time home maker I had to DIY everything including cleaning the house. Further more, I love music and had fallen in love with the violin. I want to play the violin well that's my life goal. So the physiotherapy sessions went on and off with some temporal relief.
About 5 months ago, Pastor Prince at New creation church preached a sermon on the significance of the Lord's supper. How partaking it often would lead to good health prosperity and victorious living. Well, my family decided to do so on a regular basis and believe God for healing especially my injured shoulder was affecting the violin learning. Nothing miraculous happened immediately. The pain was still there and sometimes I would get discouraged. I tried to ignore the "symptoms" but the pain was glaring and raw. The Lord's supper routine continued almost daily since Rachel loved it so much and we understood the importance of it all.
Since the start of this new year, i thought the pain had fallen sharply. i seldom woke with much stiffness and shoulder ache. In fact, yesterday, 11 jan 2009 when I was rushing Rachel to her agape class (nursery class for 4 years old) I felt the old familiar ache still as i lift my right arm to press the elevator button. "When will it get well? sigh...I wondered!"
Later in the service, Pastor shared about his own healings through the Holy Communion and I remembered thinking "if it happen I would testify of God's goodness". Well nothing happened at that moment.
Last night after I had multi tasked completed many a house hold chores which included 2 rounds of laundry, placing dishes in the dishwasher and ironing 3 sets of work attire for my husband I thought hey, where's the pain??? Then it occured to me that the familiar ache was GONE. In fact, it was long gone as my hands had equalised. I mean the right hand do not feel so heavy as before and I had no problem lifting it above the shoulder level or placing it behind the back. These actions which normally involved much pain could only be done with help from the physiotherapist or my husband or my left hand. GOD had healed me completely. GASP. HALLELUJAH!
I went on the test out my bow arm on the violin. Boy the bow never felt so light and I had no problem bowing heavily or rapidly on both the G and D strings. I was elated. I had been worried about my violinistic progress as the importance of the bow arm cannot be over emphasized. Suddenly, the barrier to my violin progress is GONE too!!!!
I was so excited I sms my friends and relatives many of whom were pre-believers. I updated my facebook status to praise and thank God for his marvellous work!!!
I am completely and permanently healed, thanks to Jesus.
This morning I thought the coffee cup and the newspapers do not feel so heavy at all and I could carry rachel without any discomfort. WOW.
All praise and glory to God. Now I believe God will surely bless us with abundant living and prosperity. Thank you Jesus.
I had since email submit this healing testimony to the church as I believe God will use it to encourage many. Amen
In a bid to regain my former sexy hour glass figure, as a new mom, I had somehow suffered a gym injury. I remembered the sharp pain and the "pop" sound when lifting some weights. "It will go away" I thought at that time in 2006 we do not have any budget for medical purposes. Life was just tough managing the mortgage payments. The pain did subside a little but in one home exercise of stomach crunches over the gym ball, my toddler pushed the ball when I had my eyes closed. She was supposed to be sleeping. I aggravated the injury. OUCH. It hurt much but still it was nothing compared to the emergency caesarean i had in early 2005.
Some time mid 2007, I decided to pursue music since it was my childhood and life goal. I wanted to play the violin well. However, since I started some serious bowing especially the G and D strings, my bow arm would ached much, then came the searing pain that made me almost involuntarily feel like dropping the bow. The pain came back stronger than ever.
I went to see a doctor who recommended physio therapy sessions. In fact the physiotherapist was shocked that I had "tahan" the rotar cuff tendonitis for so long. In fact, by not seeking medical treatment early and by "avoiding" use of the right shoulder whenever possible, I had a "frozen shoulder" as a consequence. It was far from cold. In fact it was searing hot inside and it felt like someone was cutting the tendons that were inflammed with a sharp knife. It was extra painful when it was about to rain when the humidity was high or when the temperatures were low. Despite the many physiotherapy sessions that included electric current treatments and ultra sound, the pain would come and go. Sometimes it was a very dull ache that stung, other times it was very sharp and sudden and the arm would involuntarily let go of usually the small objects like toothbrush and crayons.
I was advised to stop carrying my toddler about 13kg and also to stop the bowing (music lessons). I can't. Without a maid or an extra pair of hands as a full time home maker I had to DIY everything including cleaning the house. Further more, I love music and had fallen in love with the violin. I want to play the violin well that's my life goal. So the physiotherapy sessions went on and off with some temporal relief.
About 5 months ago, Pastor Prince at New creation church preached a sermon on the significance of the Lord's supper. How partaking it often would lead to good health prosperity and victorious living. Well, my family decided to do so on a regular basis and believe God for healing especially my injured shoulder was affecting the violin learning. Nothing miraculous happened immediately. The pain was still there and sometimes I would get discouraged. I tried to ignore the "symptoms" but the pain was glaring and raw. The Lord's supper routine continued almost daily since Rachel loved it so much and we understood the importance of it all.
Since the start of this new year, i thought the pain had fallen sharply. i seldom woke with much stiffness and shoulder ache. In fact, yesterday, 11 jan 2009 when I was rushing Rachel to her agape class (nursery class for 4 years old) I felt the old familiar ache still as i lift my right arm to press the elevator button. "When will it get well? sigh...I wondered!"
Later in the service, Pastor shared about his own healings through the Holy Communion and I remembered thinking "if it happen I would testify of God's goodness". Well nothing happened at that moment.
Last night after I had multi tasked completed many a house hold chores which included 2 rounds of laundry, placing dishes in the dishwasher and ironing 3 sets of work attire for my husband I thought hey, where's the pain??? Then it occured to me that the familiar ache was GONE. In fact, it was long gone as my hands had equalised. I mean the right hand do not feel so heavy as before and I had no problem lifting it above the shoulder level or placing it behind the back. These actions which normally involved much pain could only be done with help from the physiotherapist or my husband or my left hand. GOD had healed me completely. GASP. HALLELUJAH!
I went on the test out my bow arm on the violin. Boy the bow never felt so light and I had no problem bowing heavily or rapidly on both the G and D strings. I was elated. I had been worried about my violinistic progress as the importance of the bow arm cannot be over emphasized. Suddenly, the barrier to my violin progress is GONE too!!!!
I was so excited I sms my friends and relatives many of whom were pre-believers. I updated my facebook status to praise and thank God for his marvellous work!!!
I am completely and permanently healed, thanks to Jesus.
This morning I thought the coffee cup and the newspapers do not feel so heavy at all and I could carry rachel without any discomfort. WOW.
All praise and glory to God. Now I believe God will surely bless us with abundant living and prosperity. Thank you Jesus.
I had since email submit this healing testimony to the church as I believe God will use it to encourage many. Amen
Monday, 5 January 2009
A new beginning????
2009. A new year with new commitments.
As rachel's educator, i've recently added the responsibility of being her violin teacher. How audacious some may think, when I am personally taking lessons as a beginner for only 2 years. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. It is a cost cutting measure that saves us $150 a month and I was very surprised that under me, Rachel was advancing steadily in both music theory and violin playing. Previously with violin teacher, her lessons depended much on her mood. There was progress for sure but she certainly prefer the mummy to show her and to teach her one on one.
Full time maid. Yes with yan returning to the work force as an architect. I am officially in charge of everything. Thanks to machines like washer / dryer and dishwasher, I could still manage the additional chores of cleaning the floors and ironing the 5 sets of working clothes in under an hour.
Overall, I've improved my multi-tasking abilities and find much time to teach rachel, to play with her and to play on my violin. How do I go about all these? Here's an insight.
1) I try to do the chores while she is taking a nap or is watching tv.
2) While doing art which basically is the platform to teach many other things like languages and numerals, I often brain storm about other activities or coaching ideas.
3) We exercise together, home exercises like pilates or go for a walk at the beach
4) I travel to my dad's place to help with his chores mid week and also on sunday after church services to minimise travelling time and costs.
5)I practise my violin only when Yan is home to take over "parenting and coaching" for an hour
6)I plan and document what to teach and what is being taught on a weekly basis
7)We grocery shop alternate month and have the shopping (non-perishables) delivered home.
In time to come, rachel will probably attend mandarin classes and swimming. In the mean time, I will do my best to give her the best education she ever had coupled with the joy of learning together.
Enough said, I plan to spend less time in front of the computer unless it is related to her learning be it Mandarin, French and the various Jump start titles and games. I believe 2009 will turn out GREAT as God help me fine tune everything from learning to play better violin to home-schooling and educating my only child.
As rachel's educator, i've recently added the responsibility of being her violin teacher. How audacious some may think, when I am personally taking lessons as a beginner for only 2 years. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. It is a cost cutting measure that saves us $150 a month and I was very surprised that under me, Rachel was advancing steadily in both music theory and violin playing. Previously with violin teacher, her lessons depended much on her mood. There was progress for sure but she certainly prefer the mummy to show her and to teach her one on one.
Full time maid. Yes with yan returning to the work force as an architect. I am officially in charge of everything. Thanks to machines like washer / dryer and dishwasher, I could still manage the additional chores of cleaning the floors and ironing the 5 sets of working clothes in under an hour.
Overall, I've improved my multi-tasking abilities and find much time to teach rachel, to play with her and to play on my violin. How do I go about all these? Here's an insight.
1) I try to do the chores while she is taking a nap or is watching tv.
2) While doing art which basically is the platform to teach many other things like languages and numerals, I often brain storm about other activities or coaching ideas.
3) We exercise together, home exercises like pilates or go for a walk at the beach
4) I travel to my dad's place to help with his chores mid week and also on sunday after church services to minimise travelling time and costs.
5)I practise my violin only when Yan is home to take over "parenting and coaching" for an hour
6)I plan and document what to teach and what is being taught on a weekly basis
7)We grocery shop alternate month and have the shopping (non-perishables) delivered home.
In time to come, rachel will probably attend mandarin classes and swimming. In the mean time, I will do my best to give her the best education she ever had coupled with the joy of learning together.
Enough said, I plan to spend less time in front of the computer unless it is related to her learning be it Mandarin, French and the various Jump start titles and games. I believe 2009 will turn out GREAT as God help me fine tune everything from learning to play better violin to home-schooling and educating my only child.
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