Anger Management

I've never been a "angry" person. Vulgarities and angry words are out for me since secondary school. I think i can be described as a outwardly calm person though not as relaxed and laid back as Yan who is phelgmatic.

When i became pregnant with Rachel i became a slightly "different" person. I became a bit more impatient and irritated with others especially those that cut my queue or smoke in my face.
Rachel is B+ very different from my O+ blood. Since young she seem more angry than me I think when i was a kid. When she had tantrums as a young toddler it was often emotional outburst! though not as loud as some others I've been horrified to witness!

Today after my music lesson (had my violin on shoulder) with a pack of food in my right hand and her scooter in other, I was walking back in the hot sun and she was just a few steps behind me. We had just finished the zebra crossing and were turning into the car park when a car honked angrily at her and she panicked and moved closer to the car path. I was naturally upset. The old couple in car started accusing me of "wanting your kid to die is it??" of not holding on to her as if I had another pair of hands. I was angry that they could be more patient and not honk at her causing her to fear and moved in the wrong direction. After all, its a car park, zebra crossing area and they should drive carefully and be more patient!!!

The old bitch was barking at me and soon we all joined in the "shut up" match. Rachel was good at this!! It was a case of me protecting her and she wanting to do her part to protect me from the "evil" old man and woman in old-should- be- scrapped long ago car. (pity i did not note the car plate no)

Years ago I would never shout at anyone especially elderly. But here in this estate of many old retirees, I must say many of these old people get on my nerves. They feed stray cats. They turned down the proposal to build the essential swimming pool or upgrade the children's playground. Most activities are catered to them like off-key karaoke oldies.

God!!!I do not like this estate at all. Neptune court is so full of elderly some walking some cant and every few months somebody jumped off the building. Then there was a huge fire that was reported in the papers followed by a false alarm when someone's cooking was badly burnt and several fire engines turned up.

Lord, I miss Mandarin Gardens where there is a healthy mix of residents, both local and foreign (maids included). Here it is like a retirement town and I think something is very wrong when these old "teachers" paid only $30K for a apartment that is now worth about $1 mil yet it is so run down and lacking in basic rain shelters. I think this place should be demolished to make way for better more beautiful apartments that cater to the local and foreign young families and others who prefer to pay the premium for living near the sea.

I am praying that there will be a dramatic reduction in the no of elderly and stray cats. Please bring in the young families Lord.

God shall supply!

It's amazing how God first placed that desire to make music in me as a little kid. I remembered the fun I had making my own "musical instruments" like drums and mostly string instruments made with cardboards and vibrating strings. I would pluck the strings (pizzicato) and pretend I was making great music. Perhaps it was an early influence from my then still robust and healthy grand father who played the erhu (chinese "violin") often during the lazy afternoons in my pre-school days.

Eventually grandpa became very ill with diabetes and after an amputation just below the knee cap he was confined to his bed (cum toilet) for more than a decade and eventually passed on due to renal failure. Now I wondered what could have happened if someone or anyone would place in his hands the erhu that he used to play. Would it helped him feel better, making music, expressing his sorrow and pain and agony and hope rather than being mostly angry, frustrated and depressed. I was too young to comprehend then the power of music in healing the body mind and soul.

Now that i am acquainted with my violin and had started to seriously coach rachel in this wonderful instrument, I am depending on God to help me excel in both. I have also started to plan and document our lessons be it academics, art and music. I believe this 2009, the dextos year of the Lord, the year of abundant, profuse blessings and salvations, we will venture very far and advance much academically, musically and in fine arts. Spiritually, we will grow in leaps and bounds experiencing and enjoying God's abundant grace and favour.

In fact, last night when i could not sleep a wink (had afternoon coffee), after some prayer, i ended up listening to all the songs from Suzuki vol 1 to 5 (72 in total). Coupled with the many child prodigies videos that i had watched in you tube earlier in the same day, I could not help but wished I am more talented.

"God i am lacking in talent" i resigned within me as i drifted into sleep at around 2am.

This morning my devotional was "where there is a lack, there is superabundant supply in God's kingdom to overcome that lack. God's supply is so much more than what we can ask for."


Philippians 4:19
"And my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."
yes..musical talent included. amen.